Death

I went with Mel to the movies tonight. She is having a family crisis and I just needed to step away from my computer. We saw 'Finding Neverland' which is quite a touching movie in a very understated way. It has started for me, the private mourning process I go through every year at this time. Every day I step farther away from a day that changed my life completely almost 8 years ago. Anniversaries like this one are just hard to deal with. Why do people get taken away from you just when you start to need them most?
I'll always miss my mom very much but this year I just have a desire to head out to the cemetery and visit. I don't do that very much anymore. I probably haven't been in two years even though I have thought about it. I used to go a lot more often when I was younger and had a car to roam the city freely in. Usually I would end up at Holy Cross but never really stayed for very long. I would get there and just feel totally disconnected from the place and not really know what to say since I feel I can talk with mom anywhere I am. Sometimes it just feels better to have a destination to head for even though it's not particularly what I hope for when I arrive. God, it's ironic that when I was medicated I felt more connected to her in a spiritual kind of way and now that I am not depressed to the point of not functioning, I can barely remember her. What a cruel joke. I need to sleep... sleep is happiness.