Christmas Spirit

I feel like I am becoming jaded. I have no Christmas spirit so far this year. It feels like my mind is fighting it because I still have so much work to complete for this term before I go home. I also feel like there is a lot of negativity in terms of religious holidays and it bothers me. Why do people who aren't particularly loyal to any sort of faith sucked into the commercialism that has become Christmas? The older I get, the more I honestly hate having to buy gifts, but Christmas always feels magical. I think I am becoming more attached to Christmas as a celebration of my religious faith but at the same time I feel so at odds with the church. I honestly haven't attended church much since I started university. As bad as this makes me feel, I still feel deeply connected to it and would call myself a practicing Catholic. Now obviously I don't follow all Church doctrines and I know there are some major problems with its compatibility to the modern world, but I like that it's a mainstay when everything around me changes so quickly. I am not quite sure why I feel attached and I am terrible at expressing it. Sometimes I wonder if it's been ingrained in me since I was a child. More often than not I just feel that spiritually, being a Catholic is right for me. Just like I know I should be an archaeologist, I know I should be a Catholic. Perhaps this is dwelling on it a bit too much, but I just feel bitter that so many self-proclaimed agnostics and atheists who are quick to shun Christianity in general, end up participating in some sort of seasonal gift-giving. Perhaps I am dead wrong on this issue. I really try not to get involved in Church politics. It's a sticky issue to be caught in and not something that is particularly enjoyable. Now I've just re-read what I have written and I am digging myself into a hole. This issue stops here.

In other news, my computer is officially hitting rock bottom and I had to call Andy to help me out of the mess. He is sending me some new Win XP discs so I can reformat the poor thing. He said he was surprised the poor computer was still running after all this time, which just goes to show you how fast technology moves and how badly machines are put together nowadays. This computer has experienced my entire university career with me. I am beside myself with fear that it will die. As it is I have spent most of today burning all my important documents and mp3's so that I won't be screwed if it dies and so I can wipe it clean in the reformatting. I guess in the long run it will just be a quick fix and I will have to invest in a new computer. I wonder if I will be able to make it through next semester with it. Something tells me... maybe not. Cross your fingers for the computer and my essay. Both need to be put to rest.