Skulking

I didn't mean to disappear for so long, but that's just the way it is. Life is hectic and my brain and feelings are so scattered.
I'm trying to mentally and emotionally prepare for leaving again.
I keep telling myself that I only idealize a place or a situation when I have to leave, and while this is true, it doesn't mean that I won't really miss the safety net of my job, my room with all my stuff at my parents house, and the friends and colleagues I work with everyday.
Anyways, I suppose it's all dependent upon whether my student visa comes through before my scheduled flight. September 18th is D-Day for me. I am so many mixed feelings I can't name them all off. Maybe nausea is the prevalent one at the moment.

Work has been good for the past month. We've been to some interesting places and some shitty ones too. I feel like we're just hitting our stride but really I think we're all starting to fall apart. We've been digging since the beginning of March for fucks sakes. It's unheard of in Ontario. I feel tired and worn out and what the hell is up with all the weird guy problems I've had this year? I don't know how I got caught up in all that stupid ridiculousness, but it's back to basics for me. Could a relationship of mine actually survive me getting a PhD? It seems that grad school either makes or breaks a relationship. So far I'm on the losing end of that observation.

At work last week, we witnessed dowsing in action and I found that I have a pretty good talent for it. But you won't see me out wandering around with my coat hangers. It's something that's interesting and I'd like to read up on it a bit more, but for now... I guess I'll just seek out artifacts the old fashioned way.

I started going to church again... I'm so disordered that I need something to be a spiritual guide for me. There's been some seemingly perfect homilies almost directed my way by divine providence. I think I just need let go of a lot of things I'm afraid to lose. It's not that I don't care... I guess it's just that they don't give me anything in return.

Sigh.