This one goes out to the ones I love. This one goes out to the ones I've left behind. A simple prop to occupy my time.

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Spoon in, spoon out, stirring my coffee

Days here in Newcastle seem to pass by much more quickly than I would like them to. Of course, going to bed at 4 or 5am really doesn't help much since it totally displaces my sleeping pattern into the daylight hours.
The past few days were weird. About ten days ago it seemed like a switch had been flicked and the days were warm and it smelled of spring. Over the weekend this changed and we would have flurries move in every few hours or so before the storm headed out to sea... it was just so bizarre and somewhat annoying since we haven't had snow all winter, but a few days before Spring arrives, Winter decided to put up a last (or first) stand.
This is the last week of second term and then we have a somewhat fluid definition of Easter break for a month. Fluid in the fact that although there are no classes, the campus still operates and I still have to get my ass into gear and do some work.
The hardest thing for me here is self-motivating. Yesterday I was organizing some articles I've been collecting throughout the year and looked at the pile and asked myself why I haven't done more. I blame the restrictions on Inter-Library Loans, although perhaps a bigger issue is that my interest is here but my heart isn't always. It's been a bit of a rough year adjusting to everything. I love living in England but I hate how much money I am spending. I am becoming a bit consumed by worry about money and this concerns me as well. I don't have funding for next year as of yet and I pretty well spent my life savings and milked every other option available to me to get here. I figured as long as I could pay for first year I can get through the rest of the degree somehow. Well, my Plan B that I hoped never to put into play might have to be put into action. I don't want to move back to Canada in the autumn and drop to Part-Time. I would lose a scholarship I already have because of this and it would make things even more difficult to pursue and finish. In short, I kind of see a return to Canada for my second year as a nail that could close the coffin lid for good. Working on a degree part time would mean I would also have to work part time to make the tuition payments. It would also mean I would have to work out an arrangement with U of T or some other school for me to have access to library facilities. It would just suck a lot. There are good training programs here that I want to take advantage of, but clearly cannot if I am not a resident in Newcastle.
I know I have yet to get over to the Student Advice Centre to discuss this with them and I have yet to hear about some of the awards I have applied for here, but it just doesn't look good. Being able to pay full time tuition is one thing, being able to support myself is another one entirely.

 
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