Ants Marching

This Onion-esque email came through to me today courtesy of Christie. In case you live under a rock or don't care about what is happening in other parts of the country, Vancouver's been getting a lot of snow... kind of like the rest of the country for once.
Here is one farcical point of view (but you still know that deep down, Vancouverites are kind of feeling this way).

Vancouver (Reuters)

Day 2 - Vancouver Blizzard 2005 - Revenge of the Commuters
Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional 1 centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out. Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals. Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUVs actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it.
Weary commuters faced soggy sushi and the threat of frozen breast implants.
Although, Dr. John Blatherwick of the Coastal Health Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment Co- op.
"The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "I didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be treated like someone from Toronto."


Anyways... lovely.
I had a good weekend. The parentals were out of town and I had a one woman Laurier tailgate party in front of the TV for the Vanier Cup showdown. I dressed in my Laurier gear from socks to sweatshirt and then I ordered pizza and watched a nail-biter of a game. Laurier, I am glad to say, came out on top. I also realized that this is the last year that I can say that there are still people at Laurier who attended school when I went there. Next year there will be no one and it will be all brand spanking new, kind of like the major refurb that's going to happen to the DAWB, where I had most of my classes. How quickly things change.

Last night Gosha and I attended the Dave Matthews Band concert (my 8th in total) and it was fucking great. Reporters aren't entirely wrong when they compare the cult of DMB to the followers of Phish or the Grateful Dead. I don't even care if the show is gonna suck, if I hear Dave Matthews is coming to town, I buy tickets. I think most fans have that mentality about Dave. I can't bear to think I will miss him in Toronto unless I am not physically present in the city. Year after year, Rolling Stone reports that DMB has one of the top ten grossing tours of the year in North America. Considering half their album catalogue consists of live albums, they make a lot of coin off of touring. Of course, suckers like me buy t-shirts and all their other propaganda. I think I have like 7 DMB t-shirts. Some work weeks in the field, I can wear a different Dave shirt everyday. It's sad and pathetic I know, but a concert with Dave is like being invited to a friend's jam session... with 15'000 other friends. It's just fun. And we got high and drunk. It was a good Sunday night, but I did feel like shit after only 5 hours of sleep tonight.

By the way, tomorrow's my last day of work for the season. I'm pretty psyched about not having to wake up at 6am in the dark anymore, but I am kind of depressed about the lack of funds that is going to come out of this. Anyway, I shouldn't talk of this now when I can post about the shittiness of it all tomorrow.